Name: Halee Randall, Country: United States of America (Utah)
Name: Tesfaye Yadete, Country: (Ethiopia)
Summary: Halee and Tesfaye (Tes) have been together for 11 years, married for 7. They met in Utah where she was living and he was teaching as an adjunct professor while studying for medical school. They have three kids, two boys and one girl and are moving to Oregon for their new chapter of life. I met Halee while we both served on a community board for spouses of medical residents, I liked her instantly and knew I had to hear her unique story even though the blog was little more than a concept at that time.
Background and beginnings
How did you two meet?
A instant connection in Pacsun (American clothing retailer), he was walking out and she was walking in. He approached her after and asked her for her number. They went on a date that night and started dating right away.
What drew you to each other initially?
A spark, love at first site. Halee was always interested in other cultures and people, she didn’t think she would end up with someone from where she grew up in a conservative mormon community in Utah.
Were there any cultural misunderstandings early in the relationship? How did you handle them?
Tes moved to to the US when he was 18 on a lottery tourist visa, he had planned to go to Germany for school but got this opportunity instead where he moved to Virginia to stay with family friends. He had been in the US for a while when him and Halee met, they felt they shared a lot of values and didn’t have any big cultural miscommunications.
Communication and Language
Do you speak the same native language? If not, how do you manage communication?
They both spoke English when they met, English is his second language. His family speaks Amharic and translates for her when they are all together, she loves hearing them talk. Her in laws will likely never speak English and while she wants to learn Amharic she say “It’s a long ways off”. She never felt that awkwardness of not knowing what is being said when she visits and just enjoys her partner being able to speak in his native language. “You get really good at not knowing all what was going on and just rolling with it.”
Have you picked up each other’s language or cultural expressions? What are some favorites?
Her favorite is “Eshi” which means like “okay”, its also a favorite of her kids. Halee and the kids know certain phrases but mostly they speak English as a family. He would love for them to learn but Halee is the primary caretaker and English is her primary language so its been hard to expose them so that it sticks. A future goal is to visit Ethiopia with them long enough for them to learn.
Have there been moments when something was lost or misinterpreted in translation?
They haven’t had any major miscommunications with language but as always there is some funny stories like the time they got in an argument because she thought he spent fifty dollars on a burrito. She thought he got scammed but his accent was so thick, it turned out to only be fifteen.
Cultural Traditions:
What are some cultural traditions you’ve shared or adopted from each other?
He makes an effort to celebrate American holidays after learning and being exposed to them in the US. They celebrate a blend of both countries holidays, most major US holidays as well as Ethiopian Orthodox Easter which is the big holiday they celebrate in Ethiopia. They also love baking bread which is a family tradition from the Ethiopian side.
Are there any cultural norms that were challenging to understand or accept at first?
When Halee visits Ethiopia there were a lot of differences with infrastructure, food, plumbing and other services that are so different than the US. There is also a lot of cultural differences about how strong family connection is and how money is treated as a communal resource in the family in Ethiopia.
Family and Community
How did your families react to your relationship?
Both sets of parents live oversees (her parents live in Mexico) and his family still in Ethiopia, they both did not seem surprised by the two of them dating outside of the normal standards. Halee especially has received such a kind welcome from his family, they always make her favorite dish when she comes to visit.
Have you faced any challenges gaining acceptance from each other’s communities?
Luckily this did not seem to be a big issue for them. From the Ethiopian side, the community always shows her around at orthodox church and other community events.
If you plan to have or already have children, how do you approach raising them with both cultures?
They identify as American-Eithopian. They want them to respect both cultures. They also picked biblical names that all start with E’s that translate into his culture and easy for his family to say too.
Lifestyle
Have either of you moved to the other’s country? Or plan on it?
He would like the kids to move for some amount of time to Ethiopia to experience the cultural and grow their language skills.
Reflections:
How has being in a multicultural relationship changed you personally?
Halee has found herself fostering so many other friendships with people outside of the US and taking a stand in more international issues.
What advice would you give to couples in intercultural or international relationships?
Being understanding of the other culture and embracing the difference. You don’t have to understand it all and make sense of it. Really just leaning into the other people and culture and accepting it.